My Grandfather Died
On May 29th, my grandfather on my mother's side died because of disease. He had been in hospital for half a year, but his disease was very severe and he was not strong enough to undergo an operation so that doctors had no way to cure him. Though he underwent anticancer drug treatment, he got weaker and weaker day by day and, at last, he died.
I was very surprised and sad when I heard this news, but I had little realization because I didn't want to believe it. On the 30th, I went back to Nara to attend his funeral. When I saw his face lying still in death, I had a full realization and his face reminded me of the good days he and I had. He was strict with his children and grandchildren, so I was often scolded by him. But now I realized it was his love.
He often told me about his youth. He survived wars and experienced hard times. I liked listening to his stories. But now he can't scold me with love or tell his brave stories any more!
I'm shocked about his death. Have you had a similar kind of experience? And how did you get over the grief? Please tell me!
Chie, are you all right? I was worried about you this weekend, because I heard your sad news last Thursday.
My grandparents on my father's side passed away when I was a little girl, so I don't remember their end well. But when my grandmother died, I touched her forehead that was very cold, which made me realize she was really dead.
The more experience we have with people, the sadder we become when they die, don't we? As Yukiko says, the only thing ease us of people's death may be time...
I am sorry to hear that, Chie.
All my grandparents on both of my parents' sides have been dead for 12 years. In detail, the grandparents on my father's side had passed on before I was born. I don't know their character or voices at all.
I hardly had a time with my grandmother on my mother's side because she lived in Kyushu area. I remember that she often scolded her grandchildren, who lived together in her house, with a loud voice. She died when I was nine. She was my last grandparent. And I was a little too young and had spent too little time with her to feel sad because of her death.
Thus, my grandparents are all gone. Friends often talk about their grandparents happily, but sometimes they are disgusted. Friends complain about grandmas or grandpas that are very nagging, lazy, offensive, and so forth. And they say they are not happy to live with their grandparents.
Yes, that is because grandparents are family. Even family, as you know, we have somtimes conflict or fight. I think we cannot help it. But, you see, you sometimes feel HAPPY. Why? Because they love you.
So, take good care of them.
Please accept my condolences, Chie-san. I was also worried about you, because you looked really sad when you told me you were going back to Nara. But I was relieved to see your cheerful face after you came back to Mie.
Recently, my grandfather on my mother's side entered the hospital. I am really sad not to see him any more. But I hope he will recover from his illness quickly.
Chie-san, I'm sorry to hear that.
My great-grant father died when I was 13 years old. He was 88 years old, but he was a really great man. I could not believe his death was real, because he was fine only a few hours before it happened. So I did not cry at first. I only realized his death was real when my mother called relatives to tell them the news.
Tears flowed down my cheeks and I could not stop. But as Yukiko-san said I think time will ease your grief.
Now I often speak to him in front of the Buddhist altar. When you feel sad, you do not have to pretend you are happy. You can act as you feel.
Please accept my condoleances, Chie.
Death seems like a final, unbearable separation at first - yet after a while, little by little, you realise that "living in other's memories" is not just a phrase. Your grandfather will remain a living presence in you, probably as he was before he got cancer, when he was strong, at times severe but loving.
Be well, Chie.
Claude
Others here have offered you good advice, Chie. I hope you are trying to remain sane, but as someone else here pointed out, it is acceptable to act as you feel. Perhaps now more than any other time.
I have experienced three grandparent deaths as an adult and have had three different experiences. The first, my maternal grandfather, was difficult: a natural death, but the first in our family in a very long time. The second was my maternal grandmother, a relative and person to whom I felt terribly close. She was, truly, the kindest person I've known. When she died, it was also difficult; it was natural, but prolonged, and it was almost a blessing when she died. The third was my paternal grandfather; it was a suicide, and I was feeling simultaneously grievous for my father and angry (a common first reaction from family to suicides).
It is important to remember that death is perhaps the only instance in life that is unique to a person, and that your reaction to it, and your beliefs about it, are also uniquely yours. You are entitled to feel however you need to, for however long you need to, and it is o.k.
It is a testament to the power of memory and time when, several years after someone's passing, you may remember a shared instance in a different light than you had before that person had died. You may see a different person, even though they have been gone many years.
My condolences.
Yukiko Kojima :: June 1, 2003 06:29 PM
I'm sorry to hear that, Chie. As I told you in my posting 'Tama-chan', my grandfather has been dead for 15years. I was too small to feel sad at that time, and I couldn't understand the situation. I just remember that I handed a yellow handkerchief with Miffy design on it to my sister, who was crying.
A few years ago, a little bird I had kept for six years died. When I found her lying still in her nest, I burst into tears. Whenever I thought of her, I used to start crying, but time eased my grief. It may take you quite a long time to overcome the grief, but someday you'll be able to look back on the days you spent with your grandfather and the day he passed away.